>The Expendables


No one in their right mind thought this was going to be good. In fact, I was hoping it would be shit. I wanted a good old-fashioned, schlocky, explosions and bravado kind of action movie. I wanted Yippeekiyay. I wanted wounds that don’t hurt the hero and baddies to fall by the hundreds.
What I got instead is sentimentality.
That can’t be good.

Sly slept on his face for a year to prepare for this role.

    The plot’s simple. Mercenaries attempt to liberate small island where fascist regime holds dominion. Something happens with a double-cross and no-one cares Someone tries to be funny and no-one cares. Someone tries to have a love interest and no-one cares. That’s about it.
    Stallone tries his hardest, bless him, to direct while obviously not knowing what day he’s on. The soundtrack (“Mississippi Queen” by Mountain, in case you were wondering) tells you what he was going for, but that’s the only time he manages it. And the rest is just half-assed. Give him his due, though, he knows how to blow stuff up. He’s good at that. But none of the explosions had be grinning or hooked like the A-Team


The communal toilets led to many philosophical shits during shooting.

    The acting is what you’d expect. That is, none existent. We weren’t expecting much but something would have been preferable. As it is, the only moments that pay off come, surprisingly, from Jason Statham. He appears genuine throughout the whole film, lifting the other actors when he gets chance. He’s actually funny too, although you get the impression that he’s just being himself. But the only true moment of acting belongs to Mickey Rourke. He’s so good that even Stallone can’t help but react convincingly to his character. That’s bloody impressive.
    Arnie’s cameo is limp. Bruce Willis is hammered by a shitty script. We know he can act, so it isn’t Bruce’s fault.
    I’m finding it hard to say anything of worth about this movie. Did I mention Statham was pretty good? Oh, I did? Sorry.
    What about Giselle Itié? She’s pretty good. Although couldn’t bring herself to kiss Stallone before he leaves. Can’t blame her.
    That’s about it. Weak all the way through. Action: seen worse but could have been better. Acting: need I say more? Overall: a bit tosh.

“Go watch your old favourites again. Play ‘Drink along with Predator’.”


One thought on “>The Expendables

  1. >Word. To everything you said in this post. Stallone slept on his face for a year to prepare? I would not be surprised. At all. Nailed it. I also reviewed this movie and gave it the same rating. A tragic end to what could have been SO fucking cool.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s