This is going to be an unusual post, folks, for I have seen beyond the veil of this life and into what lies beyond.
Some of you may remember previous posts where I talked about Tarquin, my practical joke ghost from the place I work (which I can’t name for obvious reasons, but definitely isn’t in the NHS or anywhere similar). The joke was a simple one. I hung a sheet on a coat hanger, drew a ghastly face on it, and hung it in a dark room for a colleague to find. Nothing particularly inventive…apart from when it worked better than I hoped, he screamed like a petrified Possum and ran down the ward cursing my name. That one prank led to what was essentially war where he got me just as well on several occasions (damn him). Anyway, on the back of that make-shift ghost, I wrote the word Tarquin, because I love stupid names and…oh, I don’t care. But the name stuck. And every time something weird happens on the ward (usually the night shift) Tarquin gets the blame.
This led to a second prank where I photoshopped Tarquin on th dark ward and spooked everyone working nights so much that they went everywhere in paris for a fortnight before I let them in on the joke. Here’s the pic…
These…definitely not hospital wards…are old as time itself. They’ve been everything from mental institutions to infection disease hospitals over the hundred or so years that they’ve been around and, as you might expect, quite a few people have shuffled lose this mortal coil on the grounds. Older people in the area still refer to it as “the place where people go to die” despite the fact it hasn’t been that since the 60’s-ish. Anyways, you can imagine that if there was anywhere likely to be haunted, it’d be this place. And over the years (I’ve worked there twelve of them in one aspect or another) I’ve experienced some pretty weird stuff. Knocking on walls, buzzers going off in empty bays and toilets, there are older reports of people being held down in a certain room where they sleep. But nothing a sceptic like me couldn’t brush off.
Because I have seen Tarquin with my own eyes, and many-a pant was shat. It was dark, it was three in the morning, and I was tired (as you might expect). I saw a dark figure walk along the corridor with such normality and solidity that I thought it was a colleague and brushed it off. Except when no one came back from the dead-end corridor. And there was no one there when I went to check. And if there was, they had walked there in the pitch black because I had to use a torch to find the light switch on my way in. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Now join me, Merry Sceptics, in pulling this one apart. Ready…? Go!
Right, now tell me I’m crazy again when you find out that my other colleague was stood right next to me, and saw it too. She told me what she’d seen without me prompting her, and she saw exactly the same thing. A dark figure, like someone walking in the shadows of the corridor, striding along like they had a wind behind them. That was when I realised what had happened, and my bowels threatened rebellion.
We mulled it over the entire night, me throwing up explanations and then disproving them with some very simple tests. I even tried an EMF meter on the area we’d seen Tarquin in a truly scientific attempt. I only got a bloody result! I used the same EMF that as when I went on a ghost hunt recently and then I got no result. With Tarquin, I got a spike of 200-ish mG on a certain spot along his trajectory. When I tried again five minutes later…the same result. I did that three times just because I couldn’t believe it. And the last time…it was gone. It seems that Tarquin had been stood there laughing at us all along, and then got bored and buggered off.
Now, my friends, I know what this must sound like. There are any number of kooks on the internet claiming psychic powers and other freaky shit. The kind of people who wear bits of stone on a leather thing because it connects them to the earth or some other tosh. But this is me we’re talking about. Captain Cynic and his amazing powers of Piss-taking. And I swear to you, I can’t bloody explain this one.
Thanks for reading.